


parks and recreation...but make it gay

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Dan Howell, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, parks and recreation AU, soft phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan's too fond of his precious Parks and Rec. department. Too bad his childhood crush had to meet him again with the objective of tearing it down...
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20
Collections: Phandom Writers Discord 2020 Valentine's Day Gift Exchange





	parks and recreation...but make it gay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [enbycalhoun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbycalhoun/gifts).



> hi do i know what i am doing? absolutely not! but parks and rec is one of my favorite shows so i used it for inspiration (everything is artistic liberty)
> 
> cal i hope you enjoy this !!!

Dan wasn’t surprised to find out that the precious Parks and Recreation department was running out of money, and that the government could potentially go bankrupt; many of his higher-ups were often corrupt and used their money and resources for selfish reasons.

Not that Dan was completely innocent in that regard, but he swears that he doesn’t normally do that when conducting official business.

He loved being Deputy Director of Pawnee’s Parks and Recreation department. Most people wouldn’t believe it at first glance, due to his plethora of piercings and intimidating appearance, but he genuinely cares about his townsfolk and their enjoyment. It was the best job in the world, in his opinion. Natalie, his boss and a close friend, didn’t care about her job, so she would automatically let Dan do whatever he set his heart on doing. Whether it was a petition for a new park or a community forum, Dan always took the wheel. To find out that all of this could go away in a split second due to state auditors only made him livid.

The only purpose of state auditors is to cut down the government’s budget, which impacted Dan’s department the most. Parks and Recreation is considered the butt of Pawnee’s government. Despite Pawnee’s faults, Dan still wants their respect. 

“The fuck do you mean that state auditors are gonna be here?” Dan spat. He’s not even sure if that sentence made sense, but he doesn’t care enough to correct himself. He hasn’t had his coffee yet. He also hasn’t slept at all.

Dan doesn’t sleep very well and often goes to great lengths to force himself to pull all-nighters to try and get everything done. He once gave himself a piercing with ice and a needle while he was working on a particularly tough project.

“Dan, calm down,” Natalie says as she and Dan walk towards the breakroom. “This is a good thing! If the government goes bankrupt, I’ll be the happiest woman in the world.”

Dan glares at her. He sighs and starts making himself some much-needed coffee. When he gets his dairy-free creamer out of the fridge, he slams the door out of frustration. 

“Whatever. I’ll shoo them away myself when they get here. When are they coming?” he asks.

Natalie winces. “About that…”

“Please don’t tell me they’re going to be here today,” Dan says, even though he knows where this is going.

“After lunch. You still have time,” Natalie reminds him. She doesn’t know what Dan could possibly plan before the auditors get here, but she knows that he would find a way.

Dan drinks his cup of coffee in one gulp before setting his mug down forcefully. The thrill of planning something gets Dan more energetic than any amount of caffeine.

“Nat! Come with me, I need your help,” Dan says decisively.

“Yes!” Natalie says as she follows Dan back to his office.

Dan starts opening every drawer in his desk and cabinet, taking out all of the folders that are filed there.

She looks at him sceptically after reading the labels. “What do any of these have to do with the state auditors?”

“Everything! Any progress reports and budget details, we’re going to use everything we can find as evidence that our budget should stay the same. Maybe if we’re lucky enough, it’ll get increased,” Dan says, smirking.

By the time lunch comes around, Dan has already created a thirty-seven-page slideshow detailing every single reason why the Parks and Recreation department deserves to keep their budget.

“Excuse me?” a voice calls out while Dan was walking to the conference room. 

Dan turns around to face them, and his eyes widen when he sees who they are.

Phil Lester, his high school crush and childhood best friend. The boy who wore pastel colours and skirts without a care in the world. Dan admired him for it when they were younger, and to be honest, he still does.

He was surprised to see him after so many years since Phil’s family had to move away after being offered a promotion. People are brutal nowadays. nonetheless, Phil still looks as beautiful as always. it’s nice to see that Phil hasn’t changed much and still dresses in a cute pastel aesthetic.

Not that Dan is staring at him, or that he happened to remember the way Phil dressed in high school.

“Yes?” Dan stutters out.

“I’m looking for Natalie Wynn? Director of the Parks and Recreation Department? I have a meeting with her right now,” says Phil.

Dan sighs. Of course Phil wouldn’t remember him. Dan's hair is straight now, and he’s got so many tattoos and piercings. He also wears a lot of makeup. Sometimes, Dan is surprised that he hasn’t been reprimanded for it yet, considering there’s a dress code. Natalie says no one cares enough about the tiny Parks department to call him out on it. It stings, but Dan uses it to his advantage.

“I can lead you there, I was just about to see her,” Dan says.

Phil brightens up. “Great! I'm one of the state auditors, so it’s…”

Dan doesn’t pay much attention after that, as he’s suddenly reminded that his job and his beloved department could go under, and heads into the conference room with Phil following. Natalie and another man are already there, discussing something.

“Dan, hi!” Natalie calls out. “I was just showing PJ the slideshow you made!”

Dan knows that Natalie isn’t a government person in the slightest. He has no idea how she got the job of being the director of the Parks department. Again, Pawnee is morally corrupt. The ends justify the means, he would say if he was asked about it. 

Dan doesn’t have a great memory, but he knows that the day she got hired, she automatically fired the deputy director and called in Dan to fill their position. Dan insisted upon a formal interview, because he’s a drama queen at heart, and also a stickler for the rules, but he knew Natalie had already accepted him. There’s no one else she’d want to do this job. Nonetheless, he appreciates the help and support he’s gotten from her.

PJ gapes at him when he sees Dan’s frightening appearance. Dan makes a mental note to put a quarter in the jar in his living room later. Simply put, it’s an inside joke between him and Natalie and a good way to save a bit of money.

“Oh, my, you’re, uh, intimidating,” PJ says, holding his hand out for Dan to shake. “PJ Liguori, state auditor. I see you’ve already met Phil Lester!”

“Haha, yep,” Dan laughs nervously, shaking PJ’s hand. “Dan Howell.” Despite being part of the government, Dan is still awkward and not great at social interaction.

Dan takes over the rest of the PowerPoint, leaving the others stunned because of the  _ extensive  _ powerpoint.

“Any questions?” Dan asks.

PJ raises his hand. Dan signals for him to go.

“I think what you’re doing is great for the community! I think you should keep your budget and we’ll be on our way to go bother another department,” PJ says enthusiastically as he stands up.

“Not so fast,” Phil interjects, putting a hand on PJ’s shoulder to get him to sit down again. “While I appreciate the effort you’ve made in order to keep your budget, it’s simply not feasible at this time. Pawnee is deeply in debt and we’re going to have to stay here to remodel the finances. Your budget will have to be slashed by around fifty percent.”

Dan looks crestfallen. “But what about all of my projects?”

“They’re cancelled for now,” Phil says. “When we figure out what your budget is going to be like, then maybe you can have your projects back.”

Dan just sulks and turns the presentation off.

“You’ll still have your jobs,” Phil explains. “But you’ll just be doing paperwork and park maintenance.”

Phil and PJ get up and pack their things, leaving Dan upset because he can’t fix the problem. He throws a stack of papers up in the air, leaving them to fall scattered and disorganised.

He just grumbles and says some choice words, directed more at Phil than PJ.

Despite looking almost exactly the same, Phil has become more stern and direct than the shy kid that Dan used to know. It’s not as if Dan was expecting Phil to stay the same, but it still threw him for a loop.

Natalie watches him for a moment before asking with a gleam in her eyes, “Do you know Phil or something? You seem like you’re angrier at him than PJ.”

“No, I don’t!” Dan says defensively, instinctively, before sighing. “Yeah, actually. A childhood friend of mine. I doubt he remembers me or recognises me because of the piercings and all that, but yeah, I know him.” Dan puts his fingers to his temple, as he can feel a headache coming on.

Natalie smirks. “You liked him, didn’t you?”

Dan flushes. “No! What gave you that idea?”

Natalie just laughs. “It’s okay, I won't tell him.”

Dan laughs at that, reminding him of their time in college and university.

They had met during Dan’s first year, in a political science class that he found completely unnecessary. He already knew the entirety of Pawnee history  _ and  _ Washington D.C. history, he didn’t need to take a class that proved that.

Nonetheless, Dan signed up for that class and ended up sitting next to a bored-looking girl who turned out to be Natalie. She made some crude jokes about the professor that Dan found funny, and here they are now: running Pawnee’s Parks and Recreation department.

“Do you think you’ll ever tell him who you are?” she asks him, snapping him out of his trance.

Dan shakes his head. “Nah. it’s kinda pointless. We’re not teenagers anymore, we probably don’t like the same things. Plus, he’s gonna leave in, what, two weeks?”

“A lot can happen in two weeks,” Natalie points out. It’s another reminder of their time in university, where Natalie had a short-lived relationship with a sugar daddy. Dan thinks that some of that money is still in her bank account, more than a decade later.

“Ew, I don't want to think about that,” Dan says, with a sour look on his face. “But, anyway, nothing will happen.” 

“Wouldn’t you want him to remember you though?”

Dan shrugs. “I don’t know. again, we probably won’t be friends now since it’s been a long time.”

“But you’ll never know if you don’t try,” Natalie points out.

Dan raises an eyebrow. “Are you trying to get me a boyfriend again?”

“Maybe,” she admits sheepishly.

Dan Howell is thirty years old and capable of finding a boyfriend by himself, thank you very much. Sure, he hasn’t had a date in a good three years, but that’s completely fine with him. Plus, the last time Natalie tried to hook him up with someone, it did not go well at all.

Dan rolls his eyes. “Not after what happened with Brandon. I told you I wouldn't be dating for a long time.”

“Fine, whatever, nothing has to happen,” Natalie grumbles. “I think you should at least talk to him outside of work, though.”

“Sure, I guess,” Dan says passively. “Maybe after the budget meeting or whatever.”

Dan knows very well that that won’t happen, knowing him.

He checks the clock on the wall and realises that he needs to get back to work. He grabs his laptop and walks back to his office, with Natalie heading to her own office to do whatever the hell she pleased until five.

In the end, he doesn’t really end up getting any work done. He’s too distracted by memories of him and Phil from when they were teenagers, memories he didn’t even know he still had.

He does regret losing contact with Phil all those years ago, but back then cell phones were a luxury, and neither of them had their own computers, so emailing each other wasn’t worth it. Dan’s mum adamantly refused to send out letters because the cost would get too expensive over time.

Dan remembers spending their last night together on Phil’s roof, just like a normal day. Except, it wasn’t really a normal day. The looming anxiety over Phil leaving the next morning made both of them upset. Still, they were happy to just spend the night together. Dan remembers that Phil kissed him on the cheek when Phil walked him back to his house, and that was the last he’d ever seen of him until now.

He just shakes his head and tells himself to stop thinking about his past with Phil. They’re both there to work, not to mix personal feelings, so it’s useless to try and bring this up. Dan doesn’t even have the time for friendships or romance, he’s got a duty to uphold Pawnee’s parks department and any distractions will just ruin his perfect harmony. 

-

The dreaded budget meeting happens three days after Dan meets Phil again. He cuts his PowerPoint down to ten slides and takes a (prescribed) Xanax to calm himself down. It doesn’t help though, because Dan hasn’t taken one in a long time and the side effects have already affected him. Dan manages to use his high-functioning anxiety to his advantage ever since he started this job, which is why he doesn’t need the Xanax as much as he used to.

As Dan steps into the conference room, he notices that most of his coworkers are already there. He can see them staring at him as if they’re just waiting to see the moment the Parks department gets shut down. 

“Hey, Dan!” Natalie calls out from across the room. She jogs closer to catch up to him.

Dan turns his head to see her. “Yeah?”

“If the government shuts down, then that means that you’ll have more time to plan future projects,” she laughs weakly. “I don't think that’ll happen.”

“It might happen,” Dan says. “I'll bother you every afternoon and go over every detail of every future project if that happens.”

“We’ll have to go back to our shit jobs at the call centre.”

The call centre was Dan’s first job, and it was an unpleasant place. Dan desperately needed money while he was studying political science since his parents didn’t want to pay for it, so Natalie got him a job there. It was brutal, they often called them at three in the morning expecting them to be there and their pay was often docked if they tried to object. They ended up quitting when they weren’t allowed to take a week off for finals.

“Shut up, Nat, the Pawnee government isn’t that horrible with money,” Dan pouts, pulling Natalie into a hug.

Pawnee government is infamous for handling its money horribly, but Dan takes it with a grain of salt since the government hasn’t shut down on them yet. Natalie tells Dan that he’s jinxing it, that they’ll definitely get shut down sooner rather than later with the way that Dan keeps talking about it as if it’s no big deal. He isn’t a very superstitious person, so he takes that with a grain of salt as well. 

Natalie just ruffles his hair. “I'm just preparing for the worst!”

They hear a throat clear from behind them, so they let go of each other. It’s Phil, with a stern look on his face and arms folded.

“Can I help you?” Dan glares at him, upset that his moment with Natalie was interrupted. It’s not as if they were being gross and sexual, they were just hugging. Pigs will fly before they do anything farther than a hug or a kiss on the forehead since they consider themselves to be close like siblings.

“I'd like for the meeting to start soon,” Phil says, irked. “Please take your seats.”

He walks off to the front of the room, and Natalie leans over to whisper in Dan's ear.

“Jesus, he sounds like he’s got a stick up his ass today,” Nat says. Dan turns bright red at that, stifling laughter. He can see Phil glaring at them through the corner of his eye, so he quickly composes himself.

“Sorry, carry on.”

The meeting lasts for what feels like hours, but in reality, it’s only been forty-five minutes. So many of the bigger departments are arguing over who deserves the bigger budget, and then it gets violent when someone throws a punch at PJ for being overly happy about this. Phil’s now trying to calm everyone down, but he ends up getting hit as well.

_ Jesus, no wonder Pawnee is a shit hole, no one can get along. It’s not PJ’s fault that he’s an energetic and happy person _ , Dan thinks. 

He doesn’t really think that Pawnee is a shit hole though, it’s probably just his anger right now. Also, the horrible environment that comes with working in government. Dan’s sure his teenage self would be even more outraged and upset and how bad politics are in Pawnee.

Despite all of that, he really does love Pawnee as a small town. It’s familiar, he knows everyone, and his favourite food is only walking distance away from his work. As much as he hates exercise, he will gladly power-walk to that restaurant.

They end up calling it quits on the budget for that day, hoping to resume the next day. A lot of the smaller departments haven’t been given a budget yet, and at this point, Dan thinks that he might not even get a budget. Natalie isn’t really paying attention, and everyone else is glaring at her, but one look from Dan and they’re looking away from them.

Halfway through the meeting, they realise that Pawnee’s budget is in an even worse state than imagined, that slashing every department’s budget by half wouldn’t be enough at all. Phil declares that the government is being shut down, cutting out all of the “nonessential” departments’ budgets until they can come up with the funds to reopen them. It affects the Parks and Recreation budget deeply since Parks and Recreation is not important for human health and safety. 

The meeting is adjourned, and everyone goes back to their jobs. Dan’s coworkers in the bigger departments walk past him, smirking at him as if they are happy to see the Parks and Recreation department gone for the time being.

Dan is ready to punch them, but Natalie just grips his hand tightly.

“Don’t punch anyone, they’re going to sue you with an army of lawyers that neither of us can afford,” Natalie says in a low tone.

She drags him by the hand as they head back to Dan’s office, with Dan making eye contact with Phil as they exit the room. Dan notices that Phil looks upset as if he was guilty that he had to close the budget.

_ No _ , Dan tells himself.  _ You’re just imagining that. You didn’t sleep, there was no coffee in the breakroom this morning, and the Xanax is still in your system. _

Dan immediately panics, trying to remember if a side effect of Xanax is hallucination. He comes to the conclusion that it probably is because despite being a medication for anxiety, the medicine can still induce it, according to his doctor.

There are only twenty minutes until the workday ends when Dan looks at the big clock in his office.

“So, when are we going to go back to the call centre?” Natalie asks dejectedly.

“Don’t give up that easily, Natalie,” Dan says, with an evil look on his face. “I have a plan.”

Natalie looks at him hesitantly. “Should I be concerned?”

“Absolutely!” Dan says, getting up from his desk. “Come on, let’s just clock out early, I know  _ exactly  _ what we need to do.”

Natalie just follows dubiously, unsure whether this plan is safe and/or legal. Knowing Dan, it’s probably neither of those things.

-

The minute that they got to Dan’s house, Dan immediately runs to the garage, leaving Natalie to follow behind slowly.

“Dan, what the hell are you planning?” Natalie asks as Dan rummages through his garage. “And clean this up!”

His garage has room for two cars, but there is so much junk that Dan cannot fit the only car he has inside of it. As much as Dan loves having everything organised and tidy, he simply does not have the time to clean things up anymore because he is so focused on work. Everything is haphazardly placed into random boxes and said boxes were unlabeled, thus creating this clusterfuck of things laying out in the open. The mess piles on every drawer and creates so much chaos that Dan cannot find what he is looking for.

Natalie would ask for help, but Dan seems determined to find this thing himself.

“I'm gonna after I find what I'm looking for,” Dan mutters, not really paying attention to Natalie’s question.

“Get rid of some of the things?” she suggests. 

“No,” Dan says firmly. He digs around for a few minutes until he finds pink spray paint. He tells Natalie to hold on to it, and he continues to look for something else.

A sledgehammer. From the looks of it, a heavy one.

Natalie's eyes go wide at that. “Dan!”

“Oh, this?” Dan points to the sledgehammer. “We’re gonna use it for something fun.”

“Are you insane?” she asks him. “What in the world are we going to do with pink spray paint and a sledgehammer?”

“You remember that councilman that told me that since I’m a gay man, all of my opinions are invalidated, and then denied my request to be on the new department committee?”

Natalie nods.

The department committee was a place where the head of every department could come together to talk about things happening within their departments and how they could be best supported. As much as Dan hated these people, he wanted to be included in it, because of his many ideas for upcoming Parks and Rec events. He figured out eventually that it was a ploy for them to be able to talk shit about Dan  _ and  _ waste time at work, but he’s been bitter about it since.

“Well, this is a threat,” Dan says. “If I can't work on any of my park projects right now, I might as well try to achieve some other goals, like shutting down the committee.”

This isn’t the worst idea Dan’s ever come up with. Neither of them can remember that, but if they weren’t caught then, there’s no reason for them to be caught now. Plus, this councilman deserves it, and talking nicely hasn’t gotten them anywhere. Natalie might as well keep him company. 

“We can go later tonight. It’ll be too risky right now.”

Dan ends up driving them to the councilman’s house, where it seemed that everyone was asleep. They didn’t waste any time vandalising the property. 

Neither of them gets very far though, as a police officer ended up driving by and catches them in the act. He’s considerably more aggressive than he needs to be when he shoves them into the back of his car.

Natalie spits in the officer’s face, but Dan doesn’t really do anything other than glare. He knows that the cop will probably spin the situation in their own favour, especially since neither he nor Natalie are cishet men.

The two of them sit in the back of the cop car silently until the officer stopped for gas. The minute he steps away from the car, Dan tells Natalie everything would be fine.

“We’re going to be stuck at that call centre forever,” she groans. 

“No, we won’t. This isn’t the worst thing that we could’ve done. Besides, the house wasn’t completely trashed. We’ll probably have to be stuck there until the morning and call someone to post bail,” Dan explains.

“How do you know so much about this?” Natalie asks. 

Dan shrugs. “I did this kind of shit in high school.”

He’s not really proud of it, and he stopped as soon as he graduated high school, but sometimes it helps to have an intimidating persona around crappy colleagues that don’t take him seriously or even just people in general.

Dan doesn’t want other gay kids in Pawnee to suffer the way he did, which is why he thinks it’s important to be able to run the Parks and Recreation department. He appreciates a lot of things about this town, but he also recognises the horrible faults that affected him as a teenager.

He used to say that he would ‘change the system’ once he ended up in government work, and even though he’s doing it in an unorthodox way, he’s still trying his best.

They go through the booking process before they’re left in a holding cell overnight. Dan’s trying to fight sleep, but Natalie’s still wide awake. She may or may not have chugged a cup of coffee before they left to vandalise the councilman’s house.

“Who are we calling in the morning?” Dan asks, yawning.

Natalie shrugs. “I don’t know. Let’s just call the City Hall and hope someone is nice enough to bail us out. I can pay them back if they want it.”

Dan doesn’t respond, as he’s already fallen asleep. Natalie ends up falling asleep at some point, but they’re both woken up at sunrise to try and place their one phone call.

Natalie places her call to the City Hall and is surprised when someone other than the secretary picks up.

“PJ? what are you doing on the City Hall line?!” Natalie practically shrieks into the phone.

PJ calmly explains that the secretary hadn’t come into work yet and that he and Phil are just really early working on budget things. He goes on to say that it might be about a month or two until they can reopen again, but Natalie doesn’t really care about that right now.

Sometimes Natalie forgets that it’s usually only Dan and herself that clock in at the crack of dawn because of their horrific sleep schedules.

“Hey PJ, so we may or may not be in jail right now,” she says nonchalantly. “Can you bail us out?”

Dan’s close enough to Natalie that he can hear PJ spit his coffee out. “You’re what?! Why are you - never mind that, I don’t think I want to know. I’ll have Phil bail you out, he’s already outside getting breakfast anyway.”

Natalie sighs a breath of relief. “Oh, thank god. You’re a lifesaver!”

They chat for a bit until Dan reminds her that there’s a time limit.

She hangs up the phone. “So Phil’s going to - ”

“Yeah, I heard PJ, thanks,” Dan says sarcastically. It’s too early for this bullshit, and there is no coffee. “This is humiliating.”

She rolls her eyes. “No shit, Sherlock.”

They go back to their cell to wait for Phil until he gets there, and needless to say, he doesn’t look pleased at all. Nonetheless, he pays the bail and takes them back to his car. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” Phil asks, almost aggressively. Natalie just sits in the back row, nonchalantly typing on her phone.

“I wasn't,” Dan says, not thinking about it.

“What’s wrong with you?!” Phil shouts. “You’re a government employee!”

“Not an important one!” Dan bites.

Dan knows that he doesn’t actually mean that. but with the way things are going, he definitely hates his job right now.

Phil finds himself speechless and doesn’t say anything back, and the drive back to City Hall is silent. Dan and Natalie end up walking back to Dan’s house.

Bless Pawnee for making everything walking distance or bus distance because neither of them can drive for shit.

Nat runs up the stairs when they get to Dan’s place.

“I'm gonna use your shower!” she calls out. Dan doesn’t say anything back and instead turns on the tv to blow off some steam.

He wonders why Phil was so angry about it. It’s not as if they were close at all, and if Phil was inconvenienced he could’ve just asked Natalie to pay him back.

_ Whatever _ , Dan thinks. People like to get their underwear twisted over stupid things that don’t matter. Phil’s just being a twat.

His cellphone rings about half an hour later, but he doesn’t pick it up. It’s from an unknown number, so he figures that it must be a spam phone call. 

The person leaves a voicemail and Dan reads the transcript on his phone. The transcription beta doesn’t really make sense, but he does catch the name ‘Phil’ on it, so he’s a little bit curious as to why Phil’s calling.

He makes a note to call back later and instead goes back to watching cat videos on youtube.

-

Dan steps into City Hall the next morning, to grab something he left in his office when he suddenly sees Phil in the hallway. He’s surprised but doesn’t really care enough to say hi or anything, especially since Phil basically screamed in his face yesterday.

“Did you get my call yesterday?” Phil asks Dan as he walks past.

Dan turns to face him. “No. Why?”

He didn’t feel great lying about it, but it was easier than saying that he saw it and just forgot to call him back. Most of his coworkers don’t really like it when they don’t get a callback, no matter what the excuse is, so Dan’s just resorted to always saying he never got the call. He tends to leave his phone forgotten somewhere else, a habit he’s had since he was a teenager, so most of the time it works.

“I wanted to apologise to you...about what happened in the car and what happened in the meeting. I didn't really want to shut down the government but Pawnee doesn’t really have funds anymore. If I could, I'd fund all of your projects,” Phil explains, fiddling with the hem of his pink skirt.

“I just appreciate your passion for the community,” he continues. Phil notices the questioning look on Dan’s face, so he adds on to it, stammering a little bit. “I don't know, I just feel horrible whenever I yell at people or whenever people are mad at me.”

Dan understands that feeling well enough, so he doesn’t blame Phil for that.

“Thank you for the apology. I'm not really mad about it anymore,” Dan says. “I'll see you later, bye Phil.”

He walks away, and Phil calls after him.

“Wait!” Phil shouts, and Dan turns around. “Do you wanna… consume food?”

Dan looks at him confused. “Uhh…”

“No, dammit, I meant grab lunch with me. We could talk about work stuff,” Phil suggests. 

“Do we still need to talk about work stuff?” Dan asks. “Technically I don’t have a job right now.”

“I guess not, but I want to hear about your projects. Even if they’re not gonna happen soon,” Phil stammers.

Dan feels oddly touched at that, since most of the time he just yells at Natalie about whatever he’s working on. Although that’s fun, sometimes he wants to talk to other people about it too.

“Sure,” Dan smiles at him. “Later today? Where do you want to go?”

“There’s this diner on 4th street I’ve heard good things about,” Phil says. 

It’s Dan’s favourite diner, the one that has the best pizza in Pawnee. Others argue that there’s better pizza elsewhere, but Dan just prefers the one at the diner. It’s not that hard to figure out that it’s Dan’s favourite diner, so Dan doesn’t think much of it. He assumes that Phil might’ve asked around or just taken a lucky guess.

“Yeah, definitely!”

The drive to the diner is mostly silent, save for Phil’s car radio playing. A Muse song, from when they were teenagers. Dan remembers that Muse was their favourite band at the time, and he finds it nice that Phil still listens to them even though so much time has passed. He’s pretty much the same way, as even though he’s into other music nowadays, he still appreciated how much Muse comforted him as a teenager.

_ Stop it _ , Dan thinks, as he slaps himself in the face.  _ You’re not twelve, grow up. Stop thinking about him. _

“What did you do that for?” Phil asks him.

“Just wanted to wake myself up,” Dan shrugs.

Phil laughs. “Inconsistent sleep schedule, huh?”

Dan doesn’t say anything back, and Phil pulls into the parking lot of the diner. He’s not surprised to see that Phil has failed to park straight, just like when they were younger.

They sit in a booth together, and Dan practically scarfs down his pizza while Phil just stares in awe. Dan turns bright red when he notices Phil staring.

“Sorry,” Dan apologises. “I forgot I’m not with Natalie.” 

Phil waves him off. “Don’t be. I think it’s adorable.”

Dan doesn’t know why  _ anyone  _ would find that adorable, but he doesn’t say anything else about it and instead grabs his cup to drink his lemonade.

“Is Natalie your girlfriend?” Phil asks after a minute.

Dan almost chokes on his drink when he hears that. Although he’s used to people assuming that Natalie is his girlfriend, mostly those who aren’t all that close with him, it still shocks him every time. 

“What?! I’m gay, what gave you that idea?” Dan splutters, unsure how else he could answer.

Phil looks flustered, clearly embarrassed and unable to say anything else. “I, um, I don’t know. Just thought I’d ask.”

Dan suddenly remembers that by the time people started figuring out that he was gay, Phil had already left. By that time, Dan had already made it clear that threats wouldn’t work on him and that he would fight back.

“It’s not even your business,” Dan grumbles.

Phil looks dejected. “Maybe not. I was just making small talk.”

_ Lunch was a bad idea _ , Dan thinks. 

He doesn’t want to leave though. He  _ wants  _ to get to know this new Phil, despite him shutting down the government and even if they won’t have anything in common anymore.

“Dan?”

Dan looks up at Phil. “Sorry, I was distracted.”

“No worries,” Phil says, laughing a little. “I’m probably the last person you’d want to see right now anyway.”

Dan tries to say that’s not true, but he’d be lying to himself. Even if he understands why the government had to be shut down, for now, he’s still kind of mad about it.

He just shrugs at Phil.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to lie to me,” Phil says. “I know how bad it feels to have a government shutdown. It affected me when I was working in Boston.”

Dan remembers throwing a fit when Phil told him his family was moving to Boston.

“What did you do in Boston?” Dan asks.

Phil shrugs. “I finished high school there. I came here for college since this was where I grew up, but I had to move back afterwards to take care of my mum. I was an assistant in the Education department after I got promoted from my internship.”

“What made you switch to auditing?” Dan blurts out.

“I wanted to find the root of the budgeting problems in our government, to try and stop a shutdown before it happens. It doesn’t really work most of the time, but whatever,” Phil explains.

“Sorry, I’m getting distracted!”

Dan just waves him off. “You’re the one who invited me, you might as well talk about whatever you want.”

They look at each other for a moment.

“Right, okay,” Phil changes the subject. “I still want you to be able to put your projects together without the funding, like the road cleanups or the community forums.”

“Why me?” Dan asks. “I’m sure there are other people begging for the same thing that I want.”

Phil pouts. “I like your department the best.”

“Thanks for offering, but I don’t really need help with it,” Dan says. The waitress puts their check in front of them.

Dan and Phil grab their wallets at the same time and look at each other, confused.

“I invited you, let me pay,” Phil says, dragging the check closer to him.

Dan scoffs. “I’m the guest, let  _ me  _ pay.”

“Dan - ”

“Phil - ”

They’re in a staring contest now. Dan ends up blinking first.

“No!” he screams, earning a few looks from some strangers. “I hate you!”

“Sure you do,” Phil says, placing his card on the bill. “I get to pay for it now.”

Dan just glares at him. “Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re welcome.”

-

Despite not being an official government employee as of right now, Dan was still constantly at City Hall.

He forgot his jacket in Phil’s car after lunch, so he ended up going to City Hall the next day to ask Phil for it. The day after that, he realised that he left a flash drive in his desk that had his resume on it. The day after that, Natalie asked him to get the bottle of nail polish she left on her own desk. That following Monday, Phil asked him out to lunch again, without talking about work. He didn’t let Dan pay this time either.

At that point, Dan had just given up on staying at home or finding another job quickly and instead spent his time in his office. He has enough money to survive for a little bit anyway, and it’s better than being bored while applying for short-term jobs.

In his time in the office, he cleaned. Dan did not realise that there was a lot of junk in his office that had accumulated over the years. He also did not realise that his computer also had a lot of junk that had accumulated. Dan also fixed Natalie’s work computer, because the annoying notification that said there was a virus was bothering him. He ends up cleaning her office after that too.

“What are you doing?”

Dan tries to get up from under Natalie’s desk but ends up hitting his head. “Ow!”

“I was cleaning her desk,” Dan explains. “It’s so dusty under here.”

He gets up from Natalie’s desk without hitting his head and looks up to see Phil.

“Oh, it’s you,” Dan said dryly.

“I meant what are you doing here at City Hall? This late in the evening?” Phil asks. “You’ve been here every day since last week.”

“Cleaning. Mostly,” Dan said. “I was used to staying late at work anyway.”

“Maintenance could’ve come by, I’m sure you’ve got other things to do,” Phil suggests.

Dan appreciates Phil’s concern, but he’s not all that bothered. Cleaning is therapeutic for him.

“It’s fine, whatever,” Dan shrugs, and goes back under Natalie’s desk to finish cleaning the underside.

“I was gonna offer my help, but since-” Phil starts.

“Can you be quiet for a second?” Dan snaps.

He didn’t mean to snap at Phil, but he’s starting to get frustrated by gum stuck underneath the desk that doesn’t want to come off. He assumes that it was the last person to use this desk because Natalie isn’t  _ that much  _ of a slob.

“Are you mad at me or something?” Phil asks.

“No, I’m just trying to clean,” Dan says, with the same arrogant tone.

He gets up from under the desk to get some duct tape since it’s what normally works when picking at it with a knife doesn’t.

“I’m not just talking about right now,” Phil says. “I’m talking about - ”

Phil stops when he sees Dan struggle to unlock the door.

“I forgot that this place locks at night,” Dan mutters, sighing. He didn’t think that it was  _ that  _ late. The night janitor must’ve passed by already or took the night off.

“What does that mean?” Phil asks.

Dan glares. “What do you think that means?! We’re locked here!”

“Oh.”

Dan just sits in Natalie’s chair and opens his phone. 

_ The number you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please record a message after the beep. _

“Dammit!” he shouts, scaring Phil a little bit.

“Hey, Nat, when you get this, can you call me back? Thanks,” Dan said into the phone, a little bit rushed. He’s hyperventilating a little bit now.

As intimidating as he is, he is unfortunately very claustrophobic. Dan’s managed to ignore that fear for most of his life, and it’s only triggered when he’s actively thinking about it or if he is locked in a room, no matter how big the room is.

He thought that since he had ignored his claustrophobia, it would’ve gone away.

“Dan, breathe,” Phil says. “Do you know anyone else who might have a key to the City Hall that could get us?”

Dan shakes his head. “You know I’m not friendly with my coworkers.”

“I’ll call PJ!” Phil says, determined.

The call to PJ also goes directly to voicemail.

Phil doesn’t say anything after that and just rests his head on Dan’s shoulder. It’s relaxing, usually the best way to calm him down.

_ It’s what Phil did whenever Dan was upset when they were teenagers. _

“What are you doing?” Dan asks, stammering.

“Laying my head on your shoulder,” Phil says, softly. “Like when we were teenagers.”

Dan gasps.

“You remember.”

Phil laughs. “How could I forget? You might look completely different now, but you still have that baby face.”

Dan turns to face Phil. “I guess I do.”

“And you remembered me too,” Phil points out.

Dan doesn’t say anything. He’s speechless.

“I didn’t know if you remembered me or not, since it’s been so long. I thought you didn’t recognise me when we met in the hallway, so I pretended not to recognise you either. I didn’t want you to be embarrassed or uncomfortable,” Phil rambles.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay. I just...I’m just happy that you’re okay. I was worried about you while I was in Boston,” Phil admits. “While I was in school here, I kept thinking about finding you again, but I was scared.”

“Why?” Dan asks.

“Because…” Phil looks away from Dan.

“Because?”

“Because I didn’t want to face the possibility of not having anything in common anymore,” Phil mumbles.

Dan turns Phil to face him again, but before anyone could say anything, Phil kisses him.

Both of them are flustered.

“Sorry,” Phil apologises. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

Dan laughs. “You’re fine.”

“Do you want to get coffee with me? Like an actual date?” Phil blurts out.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I mean! It doesn’t have to be a date! I don’t know. You’re cute! I just want to catch up with you!” Phil rambles, fiddling with his fingers.

Dan chuckles. “Sure. We can get coffee together. Maybe after we get out of here.”

“Thanks!”

-

Dan and Phil end up falling asleep on each other a little bit later, as both of them are exhausted from being locked in Natalie’s office. They’re woken up by the sunrise through the window.

“Hey, wake up,” Phil says, shaking Dan gently.

Dan rubs his eyes and blinks. “What time is it?”

“Time for you to get a watch,” Phil laughs.

“Haha, very funny Phil,” Dan says sarcastically. “What time is it actually?”

Phil looks down at his dead phone. “I don’t know.”

Dan tries to feel his jacket pocket for his own phone but doesn’t feel anything. He must’ve left it on the desk a few feet away but he’s too lazy to get up and find it. Instead, he looks at the clock on the wall. “Eight-thirty something.”

“Fuck,” Phil says.

Dan laughs. The Phil he knew didn’t swear most of the time. “Since when do you swear?”

Phil shrugs. “Since university.”

“I really have missed a lot, huh?” Dan says, laughing softly. “Innocent Lester died.”

“Yeah, but it’s fine! Because we can make up for lost time! We’re not dead!” Phil says excitedly and pulls him into a hug. “I still can’t believe that we’re both in Pawnee.”

Dan hums in agreement, enjoying Phil’s embrace. Phil’s hugs haven’t changed. 

Dan realised that maybe his anxiety over him and Phil being unable to get along now was kind of stupid. Phil is still Phil. Even if he’s grown and matured, he is still his same dorky self.

“We still need to get out of here,” Dan remembers.

“Oh yeah. Come on, let’s bang the door until someone hears us,” Phil suggests.

Dan agrees since there isn’t really any other solution.

After a few moments, Dan and Phil can hear PJ through the door.

“What the hell are you guys doing here?” PJ asks.

“Long story,” Dan and Phil say in unison.

“Oh wow, okay. I’ll open the door, give me a moment to find the keys.”

They can hear the clink of the keys, and they sigh in relief. They thank PJ after that, and they collect their things from their respective offices before leaving together.

“Are you ditching work today?” Dan asks.

“Yeah,” Phil admits. “I need a shower. And breakfast. A shower is more important, though.”

Dan laughs at that.

They go their separate ways after that, but they meet up again later that morning for the coffee “date” that they’d agreed to.

The date itself is mostly uneventful, with the two of them telling stories about the past ten years. Dan tells Phil about the nipple piercing he got in college, and the look on Phil’s face is priceless.

“Fuck, Dan, I can’t believe you got your nipples pierced,” Phil says in disbelief.

Dan laughs. “I wanted as many piercings as possible when I was in college. I’m surprised I didn’t get a dick piercing while I was at it.”

Phil looks flustered and shoves Dan a little bit. “Dan! You can’t say that in public!”

“I bet you were thinking it,” Dan smirks.

Phil tries to come up with a witty comeback but fails. Dan just laughs at him.

“On another note,” Phil says, changing the subject. “Thanks for the coffee.”

“You’re welcome.”

Phil drives them back to City Hall, and while they’re parked, Dan kisses Phil in the car before feeling embarrassed. Phil cups Dan’s cheeks and kisses him back, and Dan feels like he’s on fire. The way that their lips collide makes Dan think that they were made for each other. It slowly turns into a makeout session, but neither of them care.

Dan doesn’t remember the last time he’s felt this  _ intense _ , nor does he want to.

PJ kills the mood shortly after that by tapping on the window, and all the colour drains from both of their faces.  _ Never again,  _ Dan thinks.  _ Not in public. _

“Hey, um...I’ll call you later?” Phil asks sheepishly.

Dan nods. “Yeah, sure.”

As Dan turns away to exit the car, Phil taps on his shoulder. Dan turns back to face him, and Phil gives him a quick kiss.

When Dan gets home, there are four unread messages from Phil. All of them are cute and soft cat gifs that make him fall for Phil just a little bit more.

**Author's Note:**

> secret for now i guess


End file.
